March 11 was the last normal day I have had in a while. I left work that day felling a little bit of dread as news was coming out of LAUSD that closing schools was coming. Despite my technical knowledge and love for everything tech, I knew that closing schools would bring about a new wave of trainings, challenges and opportunities. The digital wave that I have been riding for four years was turning quickly into a tsunami, and just like the mega-wave, there was little to no prep or foretelling.

Except there was. Globally, we were seeing the effects of a virus run rampant in places around the globe. I shouted on every hilltop I could find about preparedness and a plan for what was to come. As I prepped for Spring CUE, I had a tickle in the back of my mind that we might not be seeing another conference in a while. I put so much planning into our time at Spring CUE that it’s cancellation and subsequent move online left a huge hollow place inside of disappointment and anger. It wasn’t anything we could control, and somehow that made it worse.

            But CUE went digital, and got sessions online, and made every effort to push through and adjust to this new normal. But I didn’t. I still don’t. I have woken up every day, worked for 10-12 hours getting lessons up on our Distance Learning site, helping teachers, and generally doing all I can to do the best job I could for my teachers and students who depended on technology in this new normal. And I have done well, if I do say so myself. We have a great site, we have teachers who are embracing the tech we have been preaching for years, and we are meeting online and being more efficient than ever. All awesome things to come out of this pandemic.

But there has been a cavitation in my motivation to do anything more than just my job. I attended only 1 Spring CUE virtual session. And I got there 45 minutes late. Other online learning opportunities have come up, but I don’t go. There is something wrong with PD in my PJs. Something wrong with sitting in the same place I now work and trying to do fun and new things. I do what I need to and that is it.

I see you all out there rocking it, posts about people exercising, making awesome templates and useful tech help things, I see new “Conference” opportunities and I am even signed up for one. But I probably won’t go. The place inside where my love for tech and learning was is now hollowed out by circumstance, happenstance, and pandemic. I try to fill it, I try to attend sessions, do fun zooms with friends and educators, but it doesn’t give me but a few moments of satisfaction. I know it may be a while yet before we are able to come together and experience learning and fun like before. It is the hope I hang onto, and until then, I will muddle through and hope that work will be enough.

Ramble done. Be Safe, Be Well.